A recent call from a old collaborator reminded me of the importance of “psychic sharing.” Often, when we think of sharing, it’s around something material and measurable, like saving money. There’s nothing wrong with that, but there are also undeniable benefits to shouldering a burden, a problem, or, in the case of my phone call, a creative endeavor. The end product, be it a fresh solution or groundbreaking idea, is never what you thought it would be. It turns out to be something neither of you could have imagined, or executed, alone–something better, because two minds trump one.

In the past, I’d written three books with this man. Our respective roles were typical of 20th century collaborations: he the expert, and I the writer. I was his “with.” Now he wanted something different: to write a book together, as equals.

His personal reasons aside, psychic sharing is in the zeitgeist. And why not? The Internet has made it easier to share ideas and, equally important, economic pressures are causing many professionals to reexamine old assumptions about career, income, and credit. Given a good partnership (more on that below), it’s easier and certainly more fun to share the process from idea to execution. In short, psychic sharing lightens the burden.

Of course, not all collaborations go smoothly. I’ve been there, too. But I’ve also picked up some tips and warnings signs along the way:

Collaborate with a consequential stranger, not a loved one. Your loved ones might lay down their lives for you, bu they often lack the connections, objectivity, and know-how that will inspire  your mind to soar beyond the confines of the familiar. In fact, researchers have found that people who reach out for information and advice from people in other divisions, other companies, even other industries are more successful than those who stay in their own “silos.” You might become good friends one day (or not)–arguably, psychic sharing may be the best way to launch a more intimate relationship. But it’s better not to start out that way.

Chose someone who is different from you. You may have a shared interest or a common cause with your collaborator but have completely different orientations and backgrounds. In The Difference: How the Power of Diversity Creates Better Groups, Firms, Schools and Societies, Scott Page, a professor of complex systems, writes about InnoCentive.com–a website where a “seeker” poses a complex scientific problem and members of the Global Solvers Network offer solutions. When “solvers” from multiple scientific disciplines tackle a problem, they are more likely to come up with an answer than if, say, only chemists put forth their ideas.

Redefine “equal” in terms of respect. Equality is not about degrees, titles, or previous successes. A good partnership is as much dependent on experience, observations, and street smarts as it is on expertise. You may be younger and less credentialed, and lack the traditional trappings of “success,” but it’s a question of what resources you bring to the table, not how you got there. If you think, or feel, that you’re superior or inferior, it’s harder to be a true partner. And if you don’t respect the other person or vice-versa, the partnership is probably doomed.

Let go of control, ownership, and credit. Craig Wynett, the man who conceived of Corporate New Ventures, an idea factory within Procter and Gamble (which I wrote about in Chapter 2 of the book), believes that innovation happens when “you don’t care who gets credit.” The Swiffer mop, known in-house as a “diaper (or maxi-pad) on a stick,” was the result of sharing–in and outside the company.  Divisions that normally didn’t collaborate–scientists who worked with hard-surface solutions and those who developed non-woven materials–combined forces with marketing and advertising people, as well as consumers. The good news, Wynett maintains, is that no one quite remembers who did what.

Find ways to share that suit both of you. Logistics, familiarity with technology, personal style: all these and more can affect partners’ comfort level in a work collaboration (or a marriage for that matter). Some people prefer speaking their ideas, while others like to ponder and write.  I once had a collaborator with whom I had to tone down my New York fast talk in our “discussions,” which felt like arguments to her. Finding common ground can be hard, but try to split your differences–have some work sessions in a mode that makes your partner comfortable. Most important, remember that “your” way isn’t necessarily better; it’s just familiar.

Relish the experience, not just the product. We’re hard-wired to collaborate and share. When  we’re with someone who stimulates our mental juices or helps us see an old picture through new eyes, it’s exhilarating and productive.  It’s what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi refers to as a “flow” experience. You’re engaged and absorbed, and the rest of the world disappears for that moment. Flow can happen alone, but when it happens with someone, it’s magical.

Learn from people who’ve been there. It’s hard to believe but social network media dates back only a few years.  And before we had the software to allow us to be in touch with our convoys, there were internet communities and other precursors of what is now exploding on the Internet.  Here are some of the people/sites that have given me the best understanding of what it’s all about.  Start with Nancy White’s excellent blog, “How I Use Social Media.”  It’s one woman’s journey, but Nancy has been there from the beginning.   I’ve also found Pete Cashmore’s Mashable an invaluable resource for understanding what various social network sites are best for and how individuals and companies are using them.  Best of all, the site speaks to beginners as well as veterans of the net. I’d also suggest reading anything by Barry Wellman or Howard Rheingold.   They’ve both been looking at internet communities for decades; reading their papers and blogs is like getting a crash course in how we got here.  If you have any favorite people or sites, please include them in your comments.

Spend social currency not money. If you’re still uneasy about the new media, you might be tempted to hire one of the so-called experts out there–you’ll come across many of them.  Their blogs and tweets promise to teach you “how.”  And perhaps some of them can help, but it’s important to remember that no one knows “the best way” (or even the five best ways) to reach out to your people.  So why not begin by spending social energy rather than money? It might sound kind of old-school and not very flashy, but the best idea might be to just get out there yourself, find a slice of common ground, and connect–one consequential stranger a time.

General Motors went into bankruptcy because it had no respect for its consequential strangers–its employees, suppliers, customers, and colleagues in the same industry. In not so many words, that’s what the editors of The Week concluded in its Briefing, The Rise and Fall of General Motors.

“One division’s cars often cannibalized the sales of other divisions. Its in-house parts companies overcharged the various car divisions, which were barred from seeking lower prices from outsiders. And the various divisions resisted consolidating back-office operations such as purchasing and payroll.”

Acknowledging that high-cost labor contracts “crippled the company’s ability to cut costs,” the author also cites “management’s arrogance and complicity” as a factor in GM’s fall. Who could blame the average worker for feeling resentful?

Executives were literally walled off from the rest of the company behind the double electronic doors to the 14^th floor of GM’s Detroit headquarters. They entered the building through a private basement garage and took their gourmet meals in private dining rooms. They rarely interacted with customers or even their own dealers, who knew firsthand their customers’ like and dislikes.

The story of GM mirrors how other ailing companies have lost touch with their consequential strangers: when employees and managers exist in two different, non fraternizing worlds, when one division doesn’t communicate with another, and when a company fails to look outside its own walls. They are insular; even consultants brought in act and think like the founders. Such companies are neither as profitable nor innovative as companies that collaborate across boundaries.

And it’s not just companies. Any group of people with a common goal–for example, a grass roots health organization or a spiritual center–can face a similar issue as it grows. It can happen to successful individuals, too. When a close-knit entourage, consisting of a few trusted friends, morphs into a branded enterprise with lawyers, handlers, trainers, accountants, and countless go-fers on the payroll, it makes it difficult for the person to connect. (See Was Michael Jackson Your Consequential Stranger?)

So what serves as preventive medicine?  How do then you stay in touch with the workers, the customers, the volunteers, the constituents, the fans who helped you grow or put you on top in the first place? Not surprisingly, the first step is to acknowledge that an assortment of consequential strangers is vital to the health of your undertaking. To stay connected, even as you grow, you have to innoculate your company against isolation:

Welcome diversity. Seek out coworkers and colleagues of a different class, race, religion, ethnic background, sexual orientation, and age. Even more important, look for people who have different ideas.  Connect with other companies.  Building such “bridges” brings in new resources and a fresh perspective. Otherwise, ideas get stale. And as the story of GM illustrates, people become unmotivated, even bitter, in an environment that squelches innovation and cooperation.

Create a climate of collaboration. The bigger an organization becomes, the greater the need for policies and procedures. But you can never lose sight of the fact that, first and foremost, you need people. And you need them–the high status and the low, the right-brained and the left-brained–to work together. One way to nurture such a climate is to think about your company as a “social convoy”– a constellation of individuals, in and outside the company, who travel with you toward a particular goal. Imagine yourself at the helm, riding in a hybrid minivan down the center of the road, flanked by a handful of your closest advisors. In the outside lanes are employees–perhaps members of the same divisions riding together–as well as suppliers, customers, and others in your industry. In a traditional corporate structure (like GM’s, which Alfred Sloan called “decentralized operations with coordinated control”), workers–if they are heard at all– have to go through appropriate channels to propose a new project or render an opinion of something already in the works. Conversely, in a social convoy cars can jockey positions. And thanks to the technology, it’s possible to communicate with all of them.

Be sincere.  Not that there’s anything wrong with profit and gain (as Seinfeld might have put it), but they can’t be your only motive. If you’re connecting with people only to better the bottom line, get more bodies into church, or convince people to buy your book, they’ll catch on. And they’ll probably desert you. As some might put it, “N.Y.P.A.”–we’re not your personal army.  So just be…yourself.  Do it over lunch, on a street corner or in a café, on the phone or over the Internet. If you’re uneasy about the new media, you might be tempted to consult with one of the so-called experts out there, whose blogs and twitters promise to teach you how. And perhaps they can help, but no one knows “the best way” (or even the five best ways) to reach out to your people.  Instead, why not spend social energy rather than money on expert advice? It might sound kind of old-school and not very flashy, but the best idea might be to just get out there, find a slice of common ground, and connect–one consequential stranger a time.

As individuals… to stay current, be informed, and access a full range of (human) resources–and to feel part of something bigger than ourselves.

As commercial enterprises, institutions, or organizations… to promote participation and engagement, spur innovation, and inspire loyalty in customers, colleagues, and constituents outside our own walls.

As nations… to deal with, and help find solutions to, global problems that requirer the understanding and insights from people who often have little in common but much at stake.

These ideas are not knew.  Since the Sixties, pockets of thinkers across many disciplines have called for more collaboration and connection.  But the fact that a powerful man whose background and success (so far) epitomizes the wisdom of reaching across traditional boundaries, sends a powerful message about how we need to view ourselves and the people around us.  It’s a matter of survival.