My confession about falling down the “rabbit hole” of social media–The Audacity of Hype–is this week’s “Soapbox” essay in Publisher’s Weekly. The piece has garnered quite a few comments. One tweeter described it as: “Moving account of hopes/fears of writer plugging her book on social media (Consequential Strangers).” I’ve also received several emails and Facebook messages and questions from other writers. And PW printed a letter from someone in the real estate business for whom the piece also resonated:
I thought I was a Real Estate Broker, but the last few years it’s been all about desk top publishing/marketing and advertising via social networking. Makes “hauling & hoping” not look so bad after all!
So now what? In the piece I admitted, for all the world to hear, that I felt as if I was no longer a writer, but a publicist–to which a former editor, after telling me that she enjoyed the piece, added these two sentences:
I love that you’re becoming a writer again. I was starting to run from Melinda the Publicist
I’m not surprised. I was getting hints of that from friends. I wanted people to see what I had seen in the research, to appreciate the power of their own social convoys. Clearly, I had overdone it!
So now that I’ve metaphorically raised my hand to announce, “I’m Melinda and social media has made my life unmanageable,” what does “recovery” look like? Where does my admission leave me–and this blog? Here’s what I learned and what I plan to do:
Right-size. I’m not going to abandon all social media, but I will put it in perspective. When I’m on line, I chat, answer emails, research, read emails, play Lexulous on Facebook–much of it is social time. I’m soaking up information or exchanging ideas. Just as I’d schedule a trip to the library, or an appointment with a colleague–and wouldn’t spend five hours in either place–I will plan and allocate my Internet time as well.
Balance. It’s not all bad. I have connected with tens (that’s not a typo!) of new people through Facebook, Twitter and this blog–people whose ideas resonate with my own, people I wouldn’t have otherwise met. They are younger or older, they live all over the world, and I love the exchange of ideas. One of my new social media buddies captured this–in 480 characters:
I just read your article. I agree that we can easily fall into the “hype” and lose track of other things. But, without that hype I may not…have found Consequential Strangers. That “hype” has allowed me to appreciate the people in my life who I didn’t realize mattered. I have…also met tons of other people who have changed my thoughts. So, thank you for the Hype! I look forward to more in 2010.
Broaden. This is what you can expect in 2010. I will continue to tweet, write, and comment, here and on other blogs, but I won’t just write about consequential strangers. (That said, almost every discussion involves social connections!) But I needn’t limit myself. Right now, in fact, I’m mulling over a post entitled, “Sixty-five Is the New Black.” (Don’t ask. I won’t tell.)
January 29th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Melissa: FWIW, I think your use of social media is masterful. Yes, I’ve seen you reference your book in some of the tweets and blog comments you’ve posted, but the book has been very relevant in every case I’ve seen. Yes, you are promoting the book, but I’m assuming you didn’t write the book just to work out your own issues (for yourself). And although you are promoting your book, I have not interpreted any of the examples of you promoting yourself (aside from being the author of the book you’re promoting … and I know that distinction isn’t always an easy one).
I recently wrote an irritation-based blog post – the commoditization of Twitter followers – in response to some blatantly self-promotional activities I’ve witnessed in the Twitterverse. Nothing I’ve seen you post anywhere exhibits any of the practices I rant about in that post … and, as you can see, I also like to insert references to things I’ve written in places where I think they are relevant (and potentially useful).
I’m glad you are not abandoning social media entirely, and I hope you will continue to promote the book in ways – and places – that can add value … and that you will continue to tweet and blog about other people, places and things that are relevant to consequential strangers!
January 29th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Doh! I meant Melinda – sorry! Just sent an email to a Melissa …
January 29th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Oh, one more thing – and this one’s relevant but not self-referential. A more elegant differentiation between promoting one’s self and promoting one’s work can be found in a recent article from the Chronicle of Higher Education (which was tweeted by our mutual acquaintance Keith Hampton, @mysocnet), It Is Who You Know And Who Knows You, in which Gary Olson, the Provost at Idaho State University (who has written many other interesting columns):
I was momentarily struck by the timidity [aversion to anything that might be considered "shameless self promotion"] of this otherwise self-confident man [a faculty member]. But then I was reminded of an odd paradox of academic life: Faculty members are expected to become world renowned in their disciplines and well respected within their institutions, yet are also expected to avoid appearing to be self-promoting or, worse, boastful. In fact, many professors overcorrect by adopting a false humility—feigning, for example, not to want a particular award, honor, or position when the exact opposite is the case.
…
Clearly, some people have confused the important work of promoting your ideas and research with a kind of fatuous promotion of self. Promoting yourself (“Look how great I am”) is different from promoting your scholarship (“Here’s what my research has discovered” or “Here’s what I’ve been working on lately”). Central to the research endeavor is the desire to disseminate the results of your scholarship widely, and while interesting or groundbreaking research will certainly reflect well on the researcher, the focus should be on the former.
January 29th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Joe, thanks so much for your support, your helpful comments, and your references, which I’ll check out. It occurs to me that here–again–is one of the benefits of consequential strangers. People who know me are the ones who’ve hit that “oh-I’d-better-not-be-too-self-referential” button. They have me cast, as I do, too, in a particular journlistic mode. I write, I talk about it incessantly while I’m writing, I do a little publicity afterward, and then I move on. The world is different now in so many ways, and it’s my new CS, whom I’ve met through social media, who really get this–and who, like you, offer a kind of knowing support and cut me a little slack! I have no intention to stop blogging, especially because I’m starting to believe that a few someones out there are listening. But even if they weren’t over these last many months, I love blogging. It helps me work out ideas and concepts. It has really made the book a living entity for me. I feel a little more ambivalent about Facebook and Twitter. But I’m going to write about that in an upcoming blog. One of my priorities now is to finish a piece for the Psychotherapy Networker http://bit.ly/d9hk53 in which I’m looking at where the Internet (read all things digital) is taking us! Stay tuned!
P.S. How do you embed links into a comment post, the way you did above?
January 29th, 2010 at 9:00 pm
Oh, and one other thing, Joe: You’re right! I wrote the book because I think it can help people recognize and value relationships that they tend to take for granted, not to advance my own agenda or become “famous.” In fact, while I was writing the book, a friend (who also believed greatly in the concept and thought it would immediately resonate with thousands of people), kept saying, “You’re going to be famous!” My answer, “Fame is overrated. I just want people to read the book.” And that’s still how I feel!
January 30th, 2010 at 12:15 am
Despite my agreement with many of the ideas that Gretchen Rubin promotes in The Happiness Project, I think that happiness often emerges as a side effect (rather than as a direct result of trying to be happy) … and I think that fame often follows a similar course. And fame that emerges as a side effect of great work can be used effectively to promote that – and other – great work.
As for the embedded HTML, I’m delighted that you allow it here in comments, as I think it really offers an opportunity for a deeper and richer conversation. Bloggers who disable embedded HTML – or any HTML whatsoever – consciously or unconsciously render the conversations rather one-sided. One of my favorite examples of full-featured HTML support in comments – including buttons for inserting bold, italics and even
strikethroughs– can be found on the blog of another friend, Dan Oestreich, who writes about Unfolding Leadership.For your blog, without the buttons, you have to manually insert them, so here’s the preceding sentence with the embedded HTML disembedded:
“One of my favorite examples of full-featured HTML support in comments – including buttons for inserting bold, italics and even
strikethroughs– can be found on the blog of another friend, Dan Oestreich, who writes about Unfolding Leadership.”January 30th, 2010 at 12:17 am
Oh, that didn’t work … I’ll send you what I typed in an email, where it won’t be converted into HTML. Essentially, I use the B, I, DEL, A and HREF HTML elements … you’ll see in the email.
January 30th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Melinda, I’m following up on Joe’s comments about my comment box. I added two helpful plugins to my Unfolding Leadership Wordpress site: \Comment Form Quicktags\ and \Filosofo Comments Preview\. Hope this is of help. Best to you and congratulations on your book.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Thanks, Dan. I’m sorry I didn’t respond earlier. I’m still feel ing my way as a blogger–and not so incidentally, had another deadline to worry about!