Later today, I’m at the 92nd Street Y’s Tribeca facility. In New York, half the population lives alone and yet New Yorkers rank far lower than their country cousins on scales of loneliness. Why? They cultivate–and value–their CS. These are the points I’m going to make:
Why CS are now more important than ever. We’ve always had them, but today the world is too complex, our lives too busy, to depend on intimates alone. CS impact health, success, and our sense of who we are.
Where we find them. New York is filled with “being spaces,” some of which I’ve written about on this blog: “dog runs and other mini-communities, the High Line park, an everyday bus route. Cafes, laudromats, OTB parlors, the new Times Square promenade, Brant Park–they’re all places where strangers can become consequential strangers.
How casual relationships develop (and sometimes deepen) – the role of gossip. CS meet each other on common ground–based on interests, local, or need. Casual conversation, gossip, and mutual self-disclosure can move us along the continuum from strangers to soul mates. What are some of the markers? Check out the “Friend or Consequential Stranger?” test.
The future of CS relationships–on and off line, in our homes, schools, workplaces, and communities. In the last ten years, the Internet has grown and with it our consciousness, our connections, and our ability to collaborate. In the first decade of the 21st century, we’ve already witnessed dramatic changes in the way we “do” relationships.
No one is too young or too old to understand the power of casual connections. Here’s one of my favorite consequential strangers, Zelda, age 98:
