Let’s Hear It For “Soft Skills”: Communication & Collaboration

Last Friday (March 12), at Cengage Learning’s 2010 “Course Technology Conference,” an annual gathering of college IT teachers, I talked about the importance of  connection, engagement, communication, and relationship development in the classroom–skills that educators often consider “soft.”   The points I made are relevant to any classroom, workplace, institution, or organization.

Pay attention to the small moments. Life is an ongoing series of casual, everyday interactions that add up.   You don’t hear the sound of strings swelling in the background when something important is about to happen.  So if you don’t pay attention, you might miss moments that matter.  A brief talk in the hallway, an email from a former colleague, a Facebook response to a comment, a few minutes spent helping someone else–each conversation results in a bit of information, insight, clarity, a feeling of being connected, or a good laugh.  And the more you notice them, the more you make them happen.

Celebrate diversity. An odd by-product of political correctness is that although it supposedly eradicates offensive language related to gender, race, religion, sexuality, and the like, it can also limit the celebration of differences.  A community collage classroom, for example, is a rich font of diversity, and everyone–the taxi cab driver, the single mother, the house painter–brings something different to the table–and to each other’s lives.  Different perspectives enrich us.  That’s why the Occupation Test, has a range of jobs, up and down the socio-economic ladder.  As sociologist Bonnie Erickson, having a diverse social convoy is “like enrolling in a liberal arts college and getting a degree in a little of almost everything.”

Use relationships, not rewards, to motivate. Actually, relationships are the best reward. In the classroom, in the workplace, at home, or any setting where people are expected to cooperate and contribute, the goal is to join with instead of laud over, to position yourself at the center, rather than rule from on high.  Read this post by Howard Rheingold in which he talks about dealing with students’ divided attention in the classroom by heightening their awareness and asking them to participate with him.  Smart corporate managers take a similar approach with their workers.  For that matter, so do smart parents!  A relationally-engaged person is a partner and an ally.   (I talked about the dangers of not engaging in How GM Lost Touch With Its CS.)

Today, the ability to communicate, share, and be open to others’ ideas are essential.  To think of these as “soft skills” is dismissive.   Every decision we make, every piece of information we acquire, every insight, every project that needs completion involves interactions with others–face-to-face and/or online.  We are all in it together.

Important Note:  Howard Rheingold has developed the  Social Media Classroom and Collaboratory,  a free online resource for students and teachers.  Arguably, we all need to explore what he considers the five key “Internet literacies”: attention, participation, collaboration, network awareness, and crap detection!  It’s worth a look.

The Paradox of Fleeting Relationships in Small Spaces

New York Times reporter Ariel Kaminer is surprised that four minutes into a shared cab ride, she and her co-rider, a recent college graduate, “had already done money and politics, things people supposedly don’t discuss with strangers.  So I asked if she was a person of faith, and bingo, we hit the trifecta, all before the meter even registered $5.”

Kaminer’s piece, Taxicab Confessions, written after the second day of a new cab-sharing program in Manhattan brought to mind some fascinating research I uncovered when working on a chapter about how relationships unfold.  It helps explain what makes sharing a small space with a stranger so intimidating and, at the same time, why we sometimes break all the rules and let it rip with someone we just met, even in a very short period of time.  Continue Reading »

The Truth About Consequential Strangers

Consequential strangers matter. We don’t always pay attention to the cumulative effects of a warm hello, help with a package, a bit of information.  But when someone you once took for granted is no longer there–you realize how those, brief, subtle, everyday interactions add up.  Manhattan psychologist Mindy Greenberg wrote about such a realization in her must-read piece, My Building’s Protocol, Altered in a FlashContinue Reading »

After “Audacity,” Now What? My State-of-the-Blog Address

My confession about falling down the “rabbit hole” of social media–The Audacity of Hype–is this week’s “Soapbox” essay in Publisher’s Weekly.  The piece has garnered quite a few comments.  One tweeter described it as:  “Moving account of hopes/fears of writer plugging her book on social media (Consequential Strangers).”  I’ve also received several emails and Facebook messages and questions from other writers. And PW printed a letter from someone in the real estate business for whom the piece also resonated:

I thought I was a Real Estate Broker, but the last few years it’s been all about desk top publishing/marketing and advertising via social networking. Makes “hauling & hoping” not look so bad after all!

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I Have a (Social) Dream

This must happen all the time to bloggers:  Earlier today, I intended to write about other connections I’d made through social media over the last many months (see What CS Taught Me).  But once Jason Simon (right) popped into my head, I went to his blog, where I found it far more interesting to respond to his question, What is your dream? Continue Reading »

Talking to New Yorkers About CS

Later today, I’m at the 92nd Street Y’s Tribeca facility.  In New York, half the population lives alone and yet New Yorkers rank far lower than their country cousins on scales of loneliness.  Why? They cultivate–and value–their CS.  These are the points I’m going to make: Continue Reading »

We Need New Words to Describe Relationships

Guy Owens and I are very distantly related–he’s the husband of my ex-husband’s first cousin!  Our paths would have never crossed but for the fact that I still spend most holiday’s with my ex’s family–two children, three grandchildren and many years later, my ex and I and our extended family comprise a “family apart.”   That’s how Guy and I met, and now we’re consequential strangers who see each other at family events–proof of why it’s so hard to categorize relationships as “intimate” or  “non-intimate.”   I prefer to think about my various connections, family or not, close or casual,  in terms of “meaningful” (instead of intimate), in which case all relationships matter.  Guy sent this in an email and allowed me to post it in CS Stories. Continue Reading »

What CS Taught Me

I’m no early adapter, but gradually I’m learning my way around the social web. Thanks to Google Alerts, I’ve made a lot of new connections–people far and wide whom I see as my teachers. They live in other places, deal with different challenges and have their own unique way of facing them, and each one broadened my own perspective. Here are a few that come to mind. I’ll keep featuring these connections here as I continue to meet and make new CS. Continue Reading »

Gary Vee’s “Thank You Economy”

A few days ago, I interviewed Gary Vaynerchuk (aka “Gary Vee”) for an article about social media and where it’s taking us.  Here’s Gary on the “thank you economy,” which he suspects will be the subject of his next book.   Give great service, care about people, and you’ll be successful in business.  But wait, Gary: That advice isn’t just relevant to business.  Those are the keys to coping with the demands of modern life.    Look people in the eye,  and in that moment of connection, no matter how brief the exchange,  see them, care about them.   They’ll feel good, and you’ll feel even better.   And if that ain’t success, what is?

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New Book on Consequential Strangers

The importance of everyday encounters and experiences started with sociologist and psychologist in academia with a handful of forward-thinking reserachers, like my collaborator.  And now, David Morgan, a British sociologist,  brings us “Acquaintances: The Space Between Strangers and Intimates.”   I haven’t read the book yet, but from this review by community development consultant Kevin Harris, I can see that we cover a lot of similar ground.  Continue Reading »